Directory of Lost Causes (By Quentin S. Crisp)

Someone Famous Has Died

First published on Opera, Fri 30th Apr, 2004.

Recently I heard that Sir Peter Ustinov had died. I watched a repeat of some of his interviews with Michael Parkinson on late night television a few days ago. He certainly was a bit of a raconteur. People die every day, don’t they? There’s something a bit ironic about the way famous people make the news when they die. Is it sad? Well, I suppose it is for some people. I don’t mean that to sound disrespectful. As a matter of fact, I met Sir Peter Ustinov myself in the year 2000. He was a patron of Durham University, and I shook hands with him at the graduation ceremony in the full regalia, before wandering off the podium in the wrong direction in front of everybody because I was under the influence of something or other.




I can’t claim to be personally saddened at the death of Sir Peter, but I did notice and take an interest. I was also strangely touched by the following quote, which came at the bottom of one of my Word-a-Day e-mails:


“Did you know that the worldwide food shortage that threatens up to five hundred million children could be alleviated at the cost of only one day, only ONE day, of modern warfare.” -Peter Ustinov, actor, writer and director
(1921-2004)




Recently I’ve been looking forward to Morrissey’s new album, You Are The Quarry. Now, what does that title mean? I have the feeling it’s a sort of ironic twist on games and other such media which use the slogan, “You are the hero.” In other words, you are the quarry of this game/film/book or whatever it is; the game/film/book produced by the powers that make our whole world a reality game show, governments funded by war and oil controlling populaces in a media game and distracting them with celebrities, and so on. But that’s just my interpretation. Anyway, I’ve been reading some of the lyrics for the album, and they’re quite interesting. For some reason, the above quote from Sir Peter Ustinov is linked in my mind with the following lyric from the album:


America Is Not The World


America your head's too big, Because America, Your belly's too big

And I love you, I just wish you'd stay where you is


In America, The land of the free, they said, And of opportunity, In a just and a truthful way

But where the president, Is never black, female or gay, And until that day

You’ve got nothing to say to me, To help me believe


In America, It brought you the hamburger, Well America you know where, You can shove your hamburger

And don't you wonder, Why in Estonia they say, Hey you, Big fat pig
You fat pig, You fat pig


Steely Blue eyes with no love in them, Scan The World,

And a humourless smile, With no warmth within, Greets the world

And I, I have got nothing, To offer you

No-no-no-no-no

Just this heart deep and true, Which you say you don't need


See with your eyes, Touch with your hands, please, Hear through your ears, Know in your soul, please

For haven't you me with you now?

And I love you, I love you, I love you, And I love you, I love you, I love you